


both end in trouble and start with a grin

by hishn_greywalker



Series: these are the places i will always go [1]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Communication, Episode Tag, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Mild D/s, christmas in texas is weird, episode s01e05 studs, tk and carlos use their words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22709233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hishn_greywalker/pseuds/hishn_greywalker
Summary: set directly at the end of 1.05, but moves past it. - It's been a crazy year, what with moving from New York City to Austin, Texas. There's no snow or sleet even though it's winter. People wear cowboy boots and hats unironically. The sky is bigger, the buildings are shorter, and the food skews more towards jalapeno spicy and not so much towards curry spicy.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand
Series: these are the places i will always go [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636816
Comments: 59
Kudos: 355





	both end in trouble and start with a grin

**Author's Note:**

> well hi babyfandom, I haven't written in a hot minute but lets kick this off. I don't know how to use tumblr (i'm trying! you can find me there @remember-before), my LJ has been inactive for nearly 10 years, and my twitter is all sports/politics related, but you can hit me up there, here in the comments or on my dog's insta @aurora__mae_. This year marks my 23rd year in fandom as a whole and I am really excited to be this into a new show this quick. It's been since SPN came out since I wanted to write about a new fandom this bad! <3 also this was supposed to be cute and fluffy and somehow became a long negotiation fic and I blame all of you and your gifs.
> 
> Thanks to Pia, Will, and Sara for saying I could indeed write still, listening to me whine about the show, and the beta read. Sara reports I still love the word and FAR too much and that the three scenes I accidentally wrote in the wrong tense made her nostalgic. Title from head and the heart "down in the valley". I am absolutely certain this will be jossed by monday.

\-- both end in trouble and start with a grin

TK watches Paul walk past him, and his heart hurts for him. Paul's shoulders are slumped, and his posture screams "I don't want to talk about it," so TK doesn't push it. He knows how this feels, knows how it feels to be the one who _wanted_ and _tried_ and was turned down because of who he is. He hasn't been wanted, though, only to be turned down for being himself.

That thought makes him frown. He hasn't ever been turned down for something he kept hidden. He's been brushed off by guys he got a wrong read on, guys who were straight. But his secret—his deal breaker, his past—has never lost him someone.

He's dated one person since he first got clean, and that was Alex. Alex never seemed to care about his past, never hovered over him, never worried he was doing something to push himself into a relapse. Until Alex told him he was in love with someone else, TK had tried not to think about it, either.

Which, with time and distance, TK thinks it might have been an issue. It wasn't, because they never lived together, and they never spent _all their time_ together. The days TK was struggling, days that TK had never admitted to before his new sponsor here in Austin made him, TK had just ghosted on Alex. In his defense, Alex had never called him on that, either.

TK takes his americano out the front of the House and leans against the wall by the door. Maybe all of this is what his dad had been trying to warn him about the day before he tried to propose. He wasn't lying to Judd when he'd told him no one had ever talked to him like that before. Even on his worst days after the accident, after he'd gotten addicted to painkillers, people had still walked softly around him.

His dad had told him this time around was tough love. The first time hadn't been. TK doesn't have a particularly addictive personality, and being able to fight fires and save people had always meant more than the high he could get from the Oxy. The Oxy had felt nice, but once he'd figured out he couldn't have both, rehab had been an easy choice.

He'd never needed the escape, not the way he'd felt like he did in the last four months. He'd wanted out, wanted to escape from behind the glass wall he'd found himself locked behind in his brain, and pills were _an_ option. He feels like it's telling, though, that the last time the feeling of _nothing_ welled up in him so far he felt like he was drowning, that instead of going to a bar and scoring pills, he went to a bar and got in a fight with a couple of racist rednecks.

Thinking of the fight makes TK think about Carlos, which makes him blush. He finishes off his coffee and heads back inside just in time for a callout.

\--

Two and a half hours later, TK is absolutely disgusting. The house fire wasn't particularly bad in any sense, but after overhaul, he got wet ashes down the back of his turnout coat. The old wallpaper had been pasted on to the walls in something that TK is sure is toxic and makes his face and hair feel coated in something.

He takes his time rinsing off his gear, lets everyone else shower first. He peels his shirt off and grimaces at his reflection in the mirror. There is something caked on his shoulder.

Paul comes out of the shower whileTK is attempting to scrape whatever it is off now that it's mostly dry. He barely cracks a smile, which makes TK frown harder. He picks up his phone and shoots off a text before he can think about it.

_you have a min to talk in like 20?_

He doesn't even have a second to put his phone down before Carlos responds.

_always. call when you can_

\--

Just over twenty minutes later, TK feels like a new human. He wants a nap, but in lieu of that, a very hot shower and clean clothes makes all the difference.

He wanders outside before he calls Carlos, who picks up on the first ring.

"You okay?" he asks, first out, because they're both on shift and the potential for someone to not be okay is a real thing.

"Yeah, just tired," TK says, because Carlos knows him well enough to hear it in his voice, so admitting it is okay. "But, do you—I just. I need a favor? I guess?"

He can absolutely see Carlos' raised eyebrow, so he barrels on. "Not like—not a real favor. I just need someone who knows Austin."

Carlos huffs out a laugh. "I think you need to start at the beginning, because I'm not sure where this is going."

TK sighs. "Yeah, sorry, I just—" He makes a frustrated sound. "Paul got—he went on a date, and he liked her a lot, but she couldn't handle—" He sighs. "She didn't think she could deal with being with him."

Carlos has met all of them, has had drinks with all of them. Who they are, and their pasts, isn't a secret, but TK still feels weird, like it might be outing him even though it's not a secret.

Carlos hums in response, and TK pushes on. "So I was thinking? Dancing or something, somewhere we can hang out and have a good time and just—not deal with that bullshit?"

Carlos is quiet a minute, but it's not awkward or tense. "Okay, yeah, I can think of a place. What time are you guys off shift?"

"Eight," TK replies before he can think of why Carlos needs this information. "Wait, what?"

Carlos laughs softly. "You didn't think I was letting you go dancing in a club without me, did you, tigre?"

The nickname sends a shiver down TK's spine, and he can't help the small smile that he gets. "You gonna take me dancing, babe?"

"Mmm, yeah, there is no way I'm letting you go to this place without me, cariño."

\---

TK asks Mateo to keep Paul busy for a few minutes right at the end of shift. Just enough time to get dressed in something that isn't too attention grabbing, but that will work for a night out. He grabs his stuff and heads outside to meet Carlos. Carlos is dressed in a black t shirt that a part of TK wants to peel off with his teeth, jeans that he absolutely knows will show off his ass, and _cowboy boots_. Carlos raises an eyebrow at him, a flirty grin on his face, like he knows exactly what his outfit is doing to TK.

It takes a lot of willpower to not saunter up to Carlos and kiss him senseless. Instead, he _walks_ to him, kissing him softly on the cheek before he nods towards the trunk, holding his bag off his shoulder.

Carlos doesn't pop the trunk for him. Instead, he takes the bag from him and puts it in there himself. He smirks at TK a little, coming back around to lean against the passenger side door. TK mimics him, then shoots off a text to Mateo letting him know he can let Paul go.  
"Nice car," he tells Carlos.

Carlos laughs. "You have no idea what it is, do you?"

TK shrugs. "Not a clue. I haven't driven a car in, like, two months."

"Well, we may have to change that. Can't let you stay _too_ New York."

TK has a smart remark, probably one that will draw one of those heated looks out of Carlos, on the tip of his tongue when Paul comes around the corner.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

\---

They do dinner first, because 8:30 pm is too early for even the most dedicated of the party crowd. They go to a quiet bar, not their usual place, and sneak their order in just before happy hour ends.

TK starts filching Carlos' fries within seconds of their plates being set down, and Carlos doesn't even try to bat him away, just rolls his eyes fondly.

Paul watches them, a sad smile on his face, and TK falters in his reach for another fry. Paul shakes his head. "Don't, TK, it's fine."

TK tones it back, which makes him think of how he acts around Carlos, how Carlos acts around him. The pet names they call each other, the way they share space, and how comfortable TK feels with him.

Having grown up in New York City, and realizing he was gay in the mid-2000s, he's never really had to _hide_. He's always been able to go out to eat and touch his boyfriend and share food and hold hands. He and Carlos haven't talked about it, but he has a feeling that's not necessarily the case for him, and he absolutely knows that Paul had some rough patches in his transition, even if his brothers in the CFD had had his back.

TK must drift a little, because next thing he knows, Carlos is nudging him as he hands the check back to the waitress with his debit card. 

"Wasn't this my idea?" TK asks.

"It was," Carlos tells him, a smirk playing on his lips.

"So how did you end up driving us, and paying for dinner?"

"Well, since you can't drive…"

TK's squawk of denial and his following arguments lead them out of the restaurant and back to the car. TK doesn't really mind the teasing, though, because Paul is laughing at them, and the goal tonight was to cheer Paul up.

\---

Carlos doesn't let TK get more than an arm's length away from him all night. If TK's not solely focused on him, Carlos keeps a hand on him somewhere. TK feels like his body is overheating and lit up, and not just because the club they're in has faulty ventilation and is absolutely not to code. But TK isn't a county inspector, and for the first time in a long time, he is seeing the world in a swirl of color, the way he did before Alex, before rehab, before the accident.

Paul is smiling, clearly enjoying himself as he dances with any body that shows up in front of him. TK dances with him twice, and both times, he can feel Carlos' eyes locked on to him.

The second time, as the song fades into the next, Paul leans over so TK can hear him over the music. "You don't need to punish yourself for your past, kid," he tells him, then spins around to dance with the girl behind him, some 90s raver wannabe with green hair and jelly bracelets who's probably rolling on molly but is absolutely into Paul's built form.

TK knows he's talking about how, no matter how their night has gone, that he's been refusing to actually date Carlos for more than a month. How he told them about Alex, called him his soulmate, and yet Carlos' touch sends fire across his skin.

TK knows exactly what he's talking about, and he knows his therapist would say Paul is 100% right, but he still stalls out on taking that last step towards accepting it.

Carlos has apparently decided enough is enough, and that he's going to risk pushing tonight. He's been so careful, since their conversation in the police station, to not push him or corner him or even herd him towards this. But as Paul turns away, Carlos' hands come around TK's hips and pull him back against him.

TK lets himself get lost in the music for another few songs. Instead of just keeping a hand on him, Carlos is plastered along his back, touching him and grinding against him in a way that leaves absolutely no question about how Carlos feels about him.

TK tips his head back, his head lolling on Carlos' shoulder as the song switches to a song with a bass line he can feel in his chest. Carlos leans down and nips the corner of his jaw, right under his ear, and TK is so glad no one can hear the sound he makes at that. Carlos can feel it, though, and he bites down a little harder the second time. "At the end of this song, I'm going to find Paul and offer him a ride home. Are you coming home with me, Tyler?"

Carlos doesn't call him TK. He doesn't call him Tyler very often, either, what with the half a dozen pet names he seems to have found for him. He's hated his name since he can remember, but hearing Carlos call him that makes him sigh. "_Please_."

He turns his head towards Carlos' when he says it, and Carlos takes advantage of it and kisses him.

He's kissed Carlos numerous times now, but this kiss is different. This kiss is a promise, from Carlos, and a taste of what he could have had this whole time if he'd allowed it.

Carlos keeps his word, and when the song bleeds into the next, he pulls back from kissing TK. He doesn't really let him go, keeping one arm around him and anchoring him to his side. Like when they came into the club, but with even more intent.

Paul isn't very far away, dancing with the tiniest brunet TK has seen. Carlos reaches out and brushes Paul's arm.

When Paul opens his eyes and sees them, he smirks, and TK knows Carlos is smirking back. TK doesn't want to even think about it, and turns away, leaning into Carlos. He wants to lean up for a kiss, but doesn't, not because of Paul himself, but because he doesn't want Paul to know how right he was.

He's pretty sure Paul sees through him, and he knows Carlos does. Carlos raises his eyebrows at Paul, who shakes his head. "I'll Uber it!"

Carlos nods, and then leans down, using his free hand to tip TK's mouth up and kiss him hard.

TK loses his breath for a second, his head spinning even though he hasn't even looked at a drink or a pill. Carlos breaks the kiss and looks over TK's head to nod to Paul, and before TK can catch his breath, they're headed out of the club.

When they get to Carlos' car, he pushes TK against the door and kisses him again. This one is softer, quieter, and TK feels like he's coming up for air. "You good, cariño?"

TK nods.

Carlos leans in and kisses his forehead. "You still wanna come home with me?"

TK nods again.

Carlos smiles softly. "You can change your mind anytime."

TK pushes up, closing the difference in their height to kiss Carlos. "Not gonna change my mind, shayna punim."

Carlos raises an eyebrow, but doesn't ask him what it means. TK blushes a little, not having meant to let that name slip out, but he doesn't walk it back.

Carlos gets one last kiss in before he pulls TK with him away from the car so he can open the door for him. TK smiles at him, revelling in the focused attention that would have scared him off just a month before.

\---

Carlos only lets them get one kiss in against the door when they get back to his place. After that, he pulls TK into the bedroom and slowly strips his clothes off, pushing him onto the bed before taking his own off. TK has been half hard since Carlos showed up at the firehouse, and now, naked in Carlos' bed, he's all the way hard and can barely keep from squirming.

Carlos kneels on the bed between TK's legs, running his hands up his legs until he gets to his waist. "I've waited for this, Tyler," he tells him. "Waited to get you spread out under me, on my bed, so needy you can't keep still, even if I asked you to."

TK keens, partly that he wants it so bad, partly because he wants _that_ so bad.

Carlos smiles down at him, almost a smirk. "You like that idea, tigre?"

TK reaches up, trying to pull Carlos closer, but Carlos grabs his hands and pushes them on to the bed beside his head. He's leaning over him, his face so close, and TK has to close his eyes. "Keep them here, cariño."

TK nods, a whine rising in the back of his throat.

\---

Carlos spends over an hour taking TK apart and then putting him back together. In the end, it's nearly 3 am, and TK is covered in come from both of them, exhausted and sated. Carlos cleans him up and gets him a glass of water, pulling him back against him once he's finished it.

"Sleep good, Tyler," Carlos tells him, kissing him on the back of his neck.

TK falls asleep before he can respond.

\---

TK wakes up in the morning, still the little spoon. The sun is almost to Carlos' bed, and TK wonders if it would get too hot with the sun shining on the bed. He doesn't get a chance to find out, though, because Carlos stirs with him and rolls him onto his back so he can blow him.

TK returns the favor in the shower.

Carlos makes breakfast, simple food, but more than TK usually manages. TK watches from his perch on the counter, dressed only in a worn in pair of APD sweats he'd snagged from Carlos.

This is clearly something Carlos likes, if the looks he's throwing TK are anything to go by. TK doesn't acknowledge them, though they make him preen a little, and messes with his phone.

Paul has left a stream of texts varying from thanks for the night out to congrats on getting some, and a final one, a message to pass on to Carlos that is probably supposed to be a shovel talk.

There's two messages from his dad, one a request for a check in sometime this morning and a second one reminding him that his shift starts at 8 pm. TK rolls his eyes and sends his dad four random emojis that mean nothing as far as TK knows, hoping he will make his dad spend some time trying to figure it out.

When Carlos finishes cooking, he plates the food and then moves over to stand next to TK, leaning so that TK's knee rests against his hip. They eat quietly, the silence a content one between them.

TK hops down to do the dishes when they're done, and Carlos disappears for a moment before he comes back into the kitchen. "So, Tyler..." He waits until TK looks over his shoulder at him, "Any plans for the day?"

TK shrugs. "A run. A nap."

Carlos is smiling when TK looks back over his shoulder again. "Want company for those?"

TK shoots him a smile, soft and sweet. "Absolutely."

\---

Carlos swings him by his house before he drops him back off at the 126. He's not making his trip in for his shift in any of the same things he had with him last time. Carlos doesn't get out when they get there, but he does reach over and pull TK in for a blistering kiss. His hand is wrapped around the back of TK's neck, holding tight, and TK can't help but moan.

Carlos smirks at him as TK rights himself and grabs his bag from the back, and TK can't help but flip him off, which makes Carlos laugh. "See you, tigre."

TK makes it into the building before he runs into anyone, and thankfully it's not Paul. It is, however, his dad.

"So nice to see you're alive," his dad remarks dryly.

TK rolls his eyes. "You knew where I was the whole time."

"Sure, but that doesn't mean I didn't notice the distinct lack of my son in his home for the last 24 hours."

TK blows out a breath. "Is this gonna be a thing?" he asks, a little unsure. He's not 100% sure what he means by it, if he means a thing where his dad worries about a relapse or a thing where his dad's rules about living in his house keep him from staying the night with Carlos, or something else entirely. He knows, _he knows_, it's not a thing about him being gay, but that's about the only thing he can rule out.

"It's not going to be a thing," his dad tells him. "Though some of the House may have something to say about that mark Carlos left."

TK blushes, but he's not surprised. Carlos had left a mark where his shoulder meets his neck, almost on the back of his neck, and his uniform collar doesn't quite cover it. He'd been disgruntled, but couldn't be mad with how smug Carlos had been.

Indeed, not one, not two, but every single one of the people on shift with him gets at least one joke in at his expense. He texts most of them to Carlos, who doesn't see a problem with their teasing, and by the time it's Paul's turn, TK has heard it all. Paul just smirks. "I'm surprised you don't have one from the club, too."

TK hates him a little, because thinking about Carlos biting down on the edge of his jaw isn't helpful.

\---

TK and Carlos don't get a day off at the same time again for two weeks, but TK is determined to see him before that. He goes home with his dad the day after they go out to the club, because his dad has chemo the next day, and he promised he'd be there.

TK has been to a few chemo rounds now, and he's not sure his presence is actually helpful. He's determined to stick it out, though, at least until his dad boots him from the room.

Carlos respects that, supports that, even if it means sometimes they go days without spending any time together alone.

\---

The first time they respond to the same incident, TK is mildly nervous. Nervous enough that he knows it, can feel it and identify it, but not enough to worry him overly. Carlos is busy taking statements from people who were involved in or witnessed this 5 car wreck caused by hydroplaning after a good thunderstorm. It smells clean out there, despite the mangled cars, and it looks like everyone is going to be okay.

It wasn't too difficult to extract everyone from their cars, so the AFD is done long before APD is done. They're packing their equipment back on their trucks and helping load up the last person who needed to go to the hospital when Carlos approaches him. He's tucked away enough, in between the trucks, that most of the civilians around can't see them, but most of TK's team and a few other APD can see them.

Carlos reaches up and touches TK's face, smiling at him. "Hey, Ty," he says, low, and TK's stomach flips. He smiles.

"Hi."

Carlos smiles back, leans down and drops a chaste kiss to his lips, then he's pulling away and walking towards another cop, asking a question. TK's teammates don't even blink, though one or two of the cops side eyes him. He doesn't know if it's the gay thing, the firefighter thing, or that they weren't expecting PDA.

TK doesn't stick around to find out.

When they get back to the House, his dad knocks shoulders with him. "He doesn't call you TK."

TK shrugs. "He knows my real name."

His dad frowns. "So did Alex," he tells him cryptically, but heads off to get out of his turnout gear before he can respond.

\---

The thing is, his dad's not wrong. Alex had called him TK because TK had introduced himself as that. He'd known his legal name, but never used it. He barely even called him babe.

Carlos, on the other hand, has maybe called him TK once before they really knew each other, called him all end of pet names since they hooked up the first time, and variations of Tyler and Tyler Kennedy since he learned his name.

TK doesn't want to explain _how_ Carlos figured out his name to his dad, because that means he has to explain the bar fight and getting arrested and everything surrounding it to his dad. He does feel like he needs to talk about it, though, so when he meets his sponsor for lunch later in the week, he tells him.

His sponsor is a gruff 50-year-old white guy named Keith who looks like an extra out of a John Wayne movie. He's from El Paso, TK knows, but has lived in Austin for 20 years, during all of which he's been sober.

"Do you want Carlos to call you TK?" Keith asks, after he listens to TK.

TK shrugs. "Not really."

Keith stares at him for a minute, then nods. "So don't worry about it. Other people will find out your name this way, though," he points out.

TK smirks. "I have no issues showing anyone else who tries how I feel about it."

"Okay, _Tyler_," Keith tells him, dodging TK's bunched up napkin with a laugh, then moves on to asking him about any time in the last week he'd felt an urge to use.

\---

TK and Carlos' next day off don't start at the same time. TK gets off at 8pm and Carlos gets off at 8am, and then they both start at 8am after a whole 24 hours together.

TK goes home with his dad and cooks dinner for the two of them. It's nothing like Carlos has cooked him over the last few weeks, half because he really doesn't cook that well and half because his dad needs bland food to keep it down.

They watch the Rangers destroy the Sharks on the DVR, and his dad falls asleep before the end of the 2nd period.

TK texts Carlos goodnight at 2:30 in the morning, and Carlos texts him back _it will be_.

\---

TK wakes up to warmth along his back. He tenses for a second, glancing down at the arm laying across his hips, and smiles. He's not sure how Carlos made it into his bed, but he's here, and TK isn't going to fight it.

Carlos must have felt him stir, though, because his arm tightens, and TK feels him kiss the back of his neck. "Hey there."

"Mmm," TK sighs. "How'd you get in?"

"Your dad was up when I got here, so I didn't bother waking you."

"What time's it?" he asks, through a yawn.

"Just before noon."

TK blinks a few times. "Fuck. I slept forever."

Carlos laughs. "You didn't even wake up when I got in bed."

TK grumbles, but doesn't complain any more. "Need more sleep?" he asks, rolling over to face Carlos. He's sure his morning breath is awful, but Carlos doesn't seem to care.

"No, that nap was good enough. We should go find food." Carlos doesn't make a move to get up, though, instead learning in and kissing him.

Carlos slowly rolls TK onto his back, settling mostly on top of him while they make out. Their kisses are long and slow and toe curling, with no urgency to them. TK wants more, wants to push for more, but knows Carlos would never go for it while his dad is probably downstairs, so he takes what he can get.

Eventually, Carlos pulls back, his brown eyes dark, and nips at TK's neck. "You're gonna be the death of me, Tyler."

\---

They end their day in Carlos' living room, curled up together on the couch watching a movie. TK has mostly been able to keep his hands to himself, but he isn't particularly following whatever they're watching, and while he can't be sure, he doesn't think Carlos is either.

He shifts a little, and Carlos looks down at him, smiling. TK leans up and kisses him softly before pulling back and sliding off the couch, down on to his knees in front of him. Carlos looks down at him, want and warmth on his face, his hands coming down to rest with one in TK's hair and the other on his shoulder.

TK leans in and nuzzles the inside of Carlos' thigh, through his jeans, before he sighs and rests his forehead there. Carlos scratches lightly at his head. "You okay, Tyler?" TK nods, but Carlos tugs at his hair gently. "Need words, cariño."

Tk swallows, his throat dry. "I'm okay," he tells Carlos, but doesn't lift his head.

Carlos goes back to running his hand through TK's hair, and TK sighs. He stays still for a minute before he reaches up to undo Carlos' jeans. Carlos lets him, but meets his eyes. "We're gonna have to talk about this, Tyler."

TK nods. "But after?"

Carlos smiles and raises his hips so TK and tug his jeans down, then gently pulls TK's hair until he leans in and takes him in his mouth.

\---

They don't actually talk about it after, at least not directly after. Instead, Carlos takes him to bed and makes him fall to pieces, begging and pleading for Carlos to let him come as he fucks him. Carlos finally lets him, and TK can barely catch his breath after.

They sleep curled up around each other, and Carlos drives him to work in the morning, leaving him with another kiss that will keep TK thinking about him all day. He's not as lucky this time, and Marjan is walking in at the same time. "That was one hell of a goodbye kiss," she tells him, an eyebrow raised. She bumps shoulders with him, though, and TK knows she's teasing.

He shrugs, a smile he can't help on his face, and she laughs at him.

\---

They have 12 hours off together two days later, and Carlos picks him up. "You hungry?" he asks.

TK eyes him. "Are you cooking?"

Carlos laughs. "I can, or we can get take out."

TK shrugs. "Either is fine."

Carlos doesn't push, which TK likes. He's pretty good at speaking up when he wants or needs something, and being forced to make a decision about something like this is hard for him sometimes.

They grab food at a taco truck on their way back to Carlos', and TK is pretty impressed with them. He tells Carlos this, sitting at Carlos' table, and Carlos laughs. "You should try my Mama's. These are okay, but they don't have anything on hers."

TK swallows. "I'd like that."

Carlos raises an eyebrow and leans back in his chair, setting his taco down. "You okay having this conversation here, or do you want to wait?"

TK feels some of the tension drain out of his body. He's never had to have this conversation before, not really. Alex had never been this to him, and most of his hook ups that had hadn't really wanted to talk about it. The fact that Carlos already seems to get it makes him feel like he can do this.

"Here is fine," he tells Carlos, but he gets up from his chair and walks over to him. Carlos shifts to face him, and TK stands in front of him, looking down and unsure how to start.

Carlos smiles softly at him, reaching out and touching him. "What do you need right now, TK?"

TK looks up sharply, a frown on his face. "TK?" he asks, and he knows he sounds uncertain.

Carlos tugs him until he's standing between his knees. "You don't like people using your name."

TK shrugs. "I—" He takes a deep breath. "I do when it's you."

Carlos' smile is breathtaking. "Good. Okay. Then, what do you need right now, _Tyler_?"

TK doesn't respond right away. He isn't ignoring the question, and he knows Carlos knows this. Finally, he sighs and carefully kneels down in front of Carlos between his legs. He looks up at the other man from under his lashes. "I need to settle. I need the noise to stop."

Carlos nods but doesn't reach out and touch him. "How can I help with that?"

"You already do, taking care of me," TK tells him.

"But how can I do it better?" Carlos asks softly.

TK struggles with that for a minute. No one has ever asked him any of these questions, and he's never had to articulate it to anyone. Carlos clearly has an idea, and he's sure hook ups in the past had some inkling, but Alex never cared if he noticed. He's never tried to find the words.

"This," TK tells him, leaning in and resting his head against Carlos' thigh. "Letting me settle. Taking care of me."

Carlos runs his hands through TK's hair and lets him stay there. "Taking care of you how?" he pushes.

TK has a moment of feeling upset at the pushing, but he takes a breath and lets it flow. "How you already do."

Carlos clearly doesn't like the answer and tugs his head back until they can make eye contact. "We only have to do this once, and then you only have to tell me if you need something more or need something to stop. But I have to hear it from you, cariño."

The pet name softens the blow. TK takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he opens them again and stares up at Carlos. "The—the way you make sure I eat, and sleep, and check in with me. And touch me when we're out, making sure I'm close. And the way you listen to me."

It's a lot of words for TK on a good day, and this is hard. Harder probably then the conversation he had about it with his therapist after the first time he and Carlos spent the night together, because if anything, the last year's taught him that you can hide from everyone but a therapist.

Carlos smiles down at him. "You did good, baby," he reassures him. "So good." He leans down and kisses TK softly. "You still hungry? We have one more conversation we have to have, but it can wait."

TK knows what conversation that is, and his stomach flips again. This time with excitement, though. "No," he says quietly. "I'm okay."

Carlos nods, letting his hands run through TK's hair again. TK looks back down and relaxes for a moment before he shifts back. "Can I...?"

His hands run along the inseam of Carlos' pants, but Carlos shakes his head. "No, why don't you go to the bedroom? Get undressed for me, okay, Ty?"

TK nods and stands, reluctant to take his hands off Carlos but absolutely willing to follow instructions. Carlos follows him after a few minutes, and TK feels himself relax.

\---

His therapist wants to talk about Carlos the next time he sees her. She's short, twenty years older than him, and has a weird way of talking super softly but clinically at the same time. TK likes that about her.

He tells her about their talk, and about the second one, and she tells him she's proud of him with a beaming smile. "This Carlos sounds like he's going to be good for you, niño." She looks a little surprised at the term of endearment, but doesn't walk it back.

He's seen her twice a week since he moved to Austin almost five months ago, and she knows more about him than anyone at this point. He doesn't call her on it, and even smiles at her when she lets him go for the day.

\---

He'd told Carlos, when he'd been sitting at the desk in the squad room, nursing a fat lip and bruised ribs, that everything was grey. Carlos clearly remembered it, and he starts checking in with TK by asking him what color the world is.

TK smiles when he gets the messages and starts sending the most ridiculous things back. _aqua like the color of the bathrobe that old lady was wearing last week_ and _fuchsia, like that plant in the park we ran through yesterday_. Carlos doesn't seem to mind what color he picks, or read too much into his responses, as long as the colors aren't grey and black.

\---

TK has never had trouble making friends. In New York, he'd had friends from childhood, friends from his faith, friends from the NYFD, friends from the local scene, friends from the local bar… He's never had an issue meeting new people and deciding he wanted to hang with them.

Austin is different, though. He doesn't hang out at bars without his crew, he doesn't go to gay clubs without Carlos, he hasn't been to Shul since he was 14.

He goes to the farmer's market on Saturdays when he has it off, but he's gone with Carlos enough now that the two or three vendors he hits up reliably ask after him when he's not there. 

He has a taco truck he goes to pretty often, but again, usually with Carlos, or ordering for Carlos, or on a few occasions, with someone from the 126. Mrs. Santos asks about Carlos any time she sees him.

He goes to a bar with the crew, where the bartenders don't even ask him if he wants anything and just hand over a mineral water, but everyone there leaves them be, mostly out of respect.

His circle of people is: people from the 126, a few of Carlos' work friends, and Carlos.

After a month of this—whatever _this_ is—Carlos asks him if he wants to go with him to meet some of his friends for happy hour and trivia on Tuesday. TK says yes, because he's curious, and also because it's been a pretty long time since he hung out with anyone he didn't work with who wasn't Carlos.

Carlos tells him it's pretty casual, that there's a group who shows up every week but the rest of them are kind of a revolving cast. There isn't a single cop or firefighter among the group, though, so TK takes it as a win for his social life.

He realizes pretty quickly that almost everyone is a couple. One girl is single, and one of the couples is straight, but the other two couples aren't.

TK spends most of the night talking to Carly, an ad exec from a firm downtown, with Carly's wife and Carlos chiming in occasionally. They're even pretty good at the trivia when it starts, and TK knows a few answers in the first round, so he starts to relax.

As they're leaving, one of the guys, Craig, leans in and hugs TK. "You have to come back next time you don't have a shift on Tuesday night! You can even bring Carlos," he tells him with a wink.

Carlos laughs, and TK grins at them both.

\---

Carlos told him about his mom's cooking, and TK said he'd like to try it, but they don't bring it up again for a while. They have a meal with TK's dad once a week or so, usually when Carlos is dropping him off or picking him up.

Carlos came to the firehouse once during all this, when he was off shift, and brought tamales for the crew. Judd slapped TK on the back as he wandered out with a plate full and told him his boyfriend could come around anytime if he always cooked like that.

TK smiled at that, and Carlos smirked at him across the counter.

It's not until they've been doing this for three months that Carlos brings it up again, while they're eating dinner before they both have to head in for a shift. "It's my brother's birthday next weekend."

TK pauses, tilting his head and looking over at Carlos. "Yeah?'

Carlos nods. "Yeah. My parents want me to bring you over. We both have Saturday off."

Which is true. TK doesn't know if he told his parents ahead of time that they had Saturday off or if it just worked out. Carlos has made the nearly 2 hour drive back to his family's home a few times in the last few months, but always on days he was off and TK was working.

"Do you want me to come?" TK asks, because he doesn't want to make things harder on Carlos. They haven't talked about it in so many words, but sometimes when his dad is ribbing him or Carlos, he can see the shadows in Carlos' eyes. He knows his dad is awesome, has always been his rock, and he knows not everyone has had that experience.

"Of course, cariño." He reaches out and takes TK's hand, lacing their fingers together.

TK smiles softly. "I just don't want to make anything harder for you, or get between your family and you."

Carlos brings their laced hands up and kisses TK's. "You won't."

\---

TK's not sure Carlos wasn't lying about that, when he's standing in Carlos' parents' backyard. There's a few dozen people running around, most of them related by blood or marriage to Carlos. There's at least a dozen kids, all who call Carlos _Tio_. 

Carlos is right beside him, a hand in the small of his back, and TK is glad for it. Carlos' brother, Andrés, greeted Carlos with a hug and TK with a handshake and a backslap. Three of the kids running around are his, and TK can already tell this isn't a birthday party but an excuse for Carlos' mother to get everyone under one roof.

She'd been warm, if reserved when she greeted him, kissing his cheek and telling him it was lovely to finally meet him. Carlos' father had nodded from across the yard, but Carlos didn't seem too upset by it.

Slowly, throughout the afternoon, TK is introduced to most people. There's one or two who look like they might be intentionally staying away, including Carlos' dad. On the ride home, Carlos smiles at him over the gearshift. "Thanks for coming today."

TK smiles back. "Of course."

Carlos takes a deep breath, then sighs it out. He's staring back at the road, now, and TK frowns. Before he can say anything, though, Carlos is talking again. "I'm sorry about my dad. He's not really comfortable with the whole 'being gay' bit, and with you there, he coudn't pretend he'd never had the converation with me. He's coming around, but…"

"Oh, no, shayna punim, no, it's okay," TK rushes to tell him. He reaches out and touches Carlos' wrist. "I promise."

Carlos glances over at him. "You don't call me that very often."

TK blushes. "It's pretty _gay_."

Carlos laughs. "Tigre, I got news for you. We're both pretty _gay_."

TK giggles at that, but he's still reluctant. After a moment, he sighs. "It's Yiddish."

Carlos raises an eyebrow. "Okay."

TK fidgets. "Look, it's just—it's just a name we used. The gay Jewish boys that I hung around with."

Carlos smirks. "It can't be so embarrassing that you won't tell me."

It's TK's turn to raise an eyebrow. "You have clearly never done brunch with a group of Jewish gay boys."

Carlos laughs, then, and TK can't help but smile at the entire conversation. They're quiet for a while, though Carlos is still smiling and much less tense. After a while, TK sighs theatrically. "It means 'pretty face'."

Carlos laughs so hard TK thinks he might need to pull over, until Carlos settles down and reaches over, resting his hand on the back of TK's neck for a moment. TK smiles out the window the rest of the way home.

\---

TK knew Texas was fond of their barbecue, but he'd thought they'd be better at it. Towards the end of June, they have a week where they respond to fifteen calls where someone effed up bad enough they need the fire department. Carlos laughs at him when he complains about it, and when he comments that the last barbecue he went to not in turnout gear being in Carlos' parents' backyard.

"So let's have a barbecue," Carlos tells him, and TK squints a little.

"That's what you took from that?"

"No, I got that you are amped up and angry at people for being dumb, but the only acceptable response I have while we're in a car is to suggest we have one ourselves."

TK doesn't blush much about his and Carlos' relationship, but he does now, mostly because he wants to be home. "Oh."

"Is that a good 'oh'? A 'sure, let's plan that' 'oh'? Or a 'I can't think about that anymore' 'oh'?" Carlos teases him.

TK clears his throat. "Mostly the latter, but a little the second."

Carlos smirks at him.

\---

They host a barbecue at Carlos'. He has neighbors who share walls on both sides of his place, but they all have their own little bit of grass out back. Even if they only invited a handful of people, they'd spill out onto the neighbors lawns, so they invite them along with TK's crew and a handful of Carlos' friends from work. A few other people, mostly from Tuesday Trivia, get invited, and the significant others of anyone they invited, and pretty soon they're looking at a decent size crowd.

Carlos bought some beer for the afternoon, mostly because TK rolled his eyes hard enough to get him to. Carlos will drink a beer when they're out occasionally, but he hasn't kept any alcohol in the house since TK told him about his relapse. TK wiggled that bit of information out of him the first time they went grocery shopping together and smirked at him. "Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you?"

Carlos raised his eyebrow. "Was I wrong?"

TK blushed then.

The weekend of the barbecue is gorgeous and warm, because it's Texas in the summer, and by the time people start showing up with side dishes and dessert, Carlos has the grill warming up.

Carlos grills, with input from Judd and one of his co-workers, Tim. Craig has a few comments about it, but TK knows enough to know that they should be ignored. His dad shows up part way through the afternoon, once the grilling is mostly done and the eating has started, and TK wanders over to him.

"Hey, kid," his dad says, knocking shoulders with him.

"Hey, how's today?" TK asks.

"Good day," his dad replies with a smile. "Might even have some barbecue."

TK grins at that. "You should, Carlos is a mean cook."

"Yeah, he is."

They stand there quietly, listening to the music and the laughter from the group in the yard. Everyone seems to be having a good time, and no one seems about ready to recreate one of their calls, so TK is taking it as a win.

"You know," his dad starts, and something on the back of TK's neck prickles. "I haven't seen you off shift in a while."

TK freezes and thinks back to the last few weeks. Every single time he's come off shift, he's gone to Carlos', even if Carlos wasn't home. Carlos gave him a key months ago, and TK hasn't been shy about using it. Probably half of his clothes are at Carlos', food he likes is in Carlos' fridge, his laptop and his turntable have migrated to Carlos'.

His dad knocks shoulders with him again. "It's not a bad thing, TK. You call this home, too, and that's definitely not a bad thing."

"I—" he's not sure what to say. "I didn't actually realize."

"I know, kiddo," his dad says with a gentle smile. "You might want to talk to Carlos about it, though, and update your address next shift."

TK huffs out a laugh and brings a hand up to rub the back of his neck. "Probably my emergency contact, too, given you'll already know."

His dad smirks. "I did that a few months ago for you."

TK's still laughing when Carlos comes over to check on him a minute later.

\---

Hard shifts happen, and both Carlos and TK are pretty good at reading each other after them. After a particularly nasty shift—bad enough that one of Carlos' coworkers texted TK a heads up—Carlos comes home and nearly slams the door behind him.

They've fought before, and Carlos has helped TK out of bad moods, but Carlos is usually able to leave work at the door. Today, though, he hasn't. TK is in the kitchen when Carlos comes in, and he turns round to watch as Carlos puts his gun in his safe and strips off his shirt.

Carlos drops to the couch in a huff, his head in his hands, and TK doesn't stop and think before he's walking towards him, dropping to his knees in front of him. "Let me help," he says softly.

Carlos sighs. "TK…"

"It doesn't just calm me down," TK tells him gently. They haven't talked about this aspect of what they do, usually focusing on how it affects TK, but TK has noticed how much calmer Carlos is after this.

Carlos sighs again, but he sits back and opens his legs wide enough that TK can shuffle forward. He lays his head against Carlos' thigh, and Carlos' hand immediately starts carding though his hair. TK isn't sure how long they stay like that, Carlos touching him softly, focusing on TK, but eventually Carlos tips his chin up so that he can kiss him. "Thank you, cariño."

TK smiles hazily. "Bed?"

Carlos helps him to his feet. "Bed."

\---

Carlos' brother and his friends come to Austin for a show. Andrés asks Carlos if he and TK want to meet them for dinner beforehand, and so they head downtown to a trendy bar that's full of people headed towards the show.

"Carlos!" Andrés calls out, which sends them towards the back of the bar.

When they get there, Carlos seems to know most of the guys. "Hey," he says to them. "Good to see you. This is my partner, TK."

The guys seem amicable, and Carlos keeps his hand in the middle of TK's back while they eat around a high top table meant for four, now housing eight.

"You guys coming up for Día de los Muertos?" Andrés asks, when they're getting ready to leave.

Carlos shakes his head. "No, we both are on shift, but even if we weren't…"

TK knows what he doesn't say. That his dad isn't comfortable with him, and that being there on a holiday, especially with TK, isn't worth the painful awkwardness.

Andrés frowns. "He's not gonna get over it any faster if you stay away, niño."

Carlos smiles at his brother. "He'll get over it, or he won't. But I'll make sure we come visit next month, okay?"

Andrés hugs them both before they leave. "Make sure you come up, too, TK," he tells him, just before they part ways.

\---

Once TK has officially moved out of his dad's place, he makes a point to have dinner with him once a week. It's not like they don't see each other—they work together, that's impossible—but he likes to check in and make sure his dad is doing okay. The cancer treatments are less severe now, but TK tries to go to as many as he can.

Carlos makes it to a few of their dinners. TK doesn't plan them for when Carlos will be at work, but it works out that way sometimes. Because TK is car-less still, even after nearly ten months in Austin, he often plans it for nights Carlos will be getting off in time to pick him up.

This week he did just that, and Carlos comes in for a few minutes before he nudges TK's knee with his. TK glances over at him, and Carlos raises an eyebrow. TK shrugs.

His dad watches their byplay with a smile. "Drive safe, boys."

TK opens his mouth to respond, but Carlos nudges him again. "Thanks, Owen."

TK grumbles about his dad being able to read him too well and hugs him goodbye before Carlos herds him out the door.

"Okay, okay, fuck, papi, I'm moving."

Carlos' arm wraps tight around him before he can get into the car. "That's not gonna help slow me down, tigre," he says, low into the side of his neck.

"It wasn't really supposed to," TK tells him back, pulling away and sliding into the passenger seat.

Carlos keeps glancing at him as they drive home, and TK pretends not to notice. They've barely tumbled in the door before Carlos has him pushed up against the wall, kissing him hard. "This," TK pants out between kisses, "seems familiar."

Carlos laughed, a low, dark laugh that sends a shiver of anticipation down TK's spine. Instead of undressing him in the living room and then pushing him down on the couch, Carlos strips his clothes off of him and then pulls him into the bedroom, where he pins him to the bed. "Come on, tigre," Carlos murmurs against his skin.

TK lets Carlos shift them around until he has his head on his arms and his hips canted, Carlos between his legs. He doesn't even try to hide the whimper he makes at Carlos' touch, knowing how much Carlos likes to hear him.

Tonight, Carlos is in a teasing mood, and it's not long before TK's breathing in hitching, near sobs. "Please, Carlos. _Please_," he gasps out. He feels Carlos' teeth on the back of his shoulder. "Papi, please."

Carlos bites down harder. It has the desired effect, and shortly after, TK is tumbling over the edge.

\---

Christmas in Texas is weird. There's no snow, for starters, and TK's still wearing t shirts most days when he's not working. It's also his first year with his new crew, having to explain he's Jewish, but that he doesn't mind being included in Secret Santas and doesn't care if they decorate for Christmas. Marjan tells them she'll accept presents any day, Christmas included, and smirks as she saunters away. They agree, privately, that Texas really likes Jesus in a way they're not used to, but it's not the worst. The "Happy Birthday, Jesus" in multi-colored Christmas lights that they drive past to get to the firehouse every day is a little much, but it's all mostly harmless.

They go and visit Carlos' mother on a day when his dad's at work. She sends them home with lots of food and presents, the ones for TK wrapped in pale blue and silver wrapping paper.

TK's dad isn't Jewish, so he's pretty used to celebrating with everyone in the month of December. Carlos hasn't put up a tree, something his mother said he usually did, so TK drags his dad to a tree lot to get both their houses trees. The look of affection on Carlos' face when he comes home and sees it made it worth the effort.

TK hasn't heard from his mother since his birthday. She sent him a text three days late, and never responded back to his thanks. He's not expecting anything around Hanukkah, but it still hurt a little, that she doesn't miss him enough to call. He rarely saw her even when he lived in the same city, and he supposes the distance makes it even easier for her to push him away.

\---

New Year's is a hot mess, just like it was every single year for both cops and firefighters. At 2 pm, six hours after he was supposed to have been off shift, TK slides into Carlos' car with a giant yawn.

"Hey, sweetheart," he murmured, leaning in to kiss him. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, babe." Carlos kisses him a second time, then pulls away. "You ready to sleep for twelve hours?"

TK sighed. "Yes, please. At least."

Carlos smiles as he pulls away from the firehouse. "Ringing in the New Year as we intend to go on—with lots of sleep and sex."

TK laughs and reaches over to touch Carlos' wrist. "Exactly how we intend to go on."

\---

Carlos has never asked to come to an AA meeting. TK knows people bring their friends and family sometimes, but it's always been something he does for himself. At his one year sober meeting, though, he invites his dad, Carlos, and Judd.

It's been a crazy year, what with moving from New York City to Austin, Texas. There's no snow or sleet even though it's winter. People wear cowboy boots and hats unironically. The sky is bigger, the buildings are shorter, and the food skews more towards jalapeno spicy and not so much towards curry spicy.

He's not sure he could have imagined his life, a year ago. Not even before his relapse, not even if he'd thought of moving to Texas instead of proposing to Alex. Certainly not between his proposal and his relapse, all six hours of it.

He can't say he's disappointed, though. He didn't know he was looking for this life, but he was, and looking around the room, getting ready to accept his chip, he can't help but smile. "A year ago, I didn't think I'd ever smile again...:"


End file.
